‘Twas the night before finals, when all through the dorm
All the people were sleeping, in their beds, nice and warm
The doors were shuts and then locked with care
In hopes that hopes that the end of the week would be there

The students were nestled all snug in their beds
While visions of getting A’s danced in their heads
But me in the shower, with nothing to wear
Had just put shampoo all over my hair

When out of the stall there arose such a clatter
I sprang from the water to see what was the matter
Out of the shower I looked with a jolt
I tore open the curtain to see what was at fault

The fire alarm flashed and screamed like crazy
I thought: could I still be dreaming?  Maybe…
When what to my wondering ears should be told,
That we have leave now.  “But it’s so fucking cold!”

Now Chuck, my RA, was not happy from this
I knew at the moment, damn he must be pissed
More rapid than eagles he hit the doors with a boom
And he whistled, and shouted, and called us by room

“Now 301!  Now 302!  Now 303 and 304!
On, 306! On 307! On 308 and 309!
To the lawn in the front, the fifth floor is on fire!
Now dash away! Dash away! I knew, we’re all tired!”

As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they freeze to death, they fall from the sky
So down to the lawn behind Naugle we flew
With my towel and robe, and some shampoo too

And then, in a twinkling, my feet hit the ground
And it was really fucking cold I soon found.
As I drew in my hands to warm in my robe
My RA came up and once again arose

He was as cold as me, from his head to his feet
And obviously wanting to sleep you could see
With my soaking wet towel draped over my back
The one who lit the fire I so wanted to smack

His eyes – how they scowled, his hair far from merry
His cheeks were all pale, his nose like a cherry
He told us that our hall should get in a line
And if we didn’t cooperate, things wouldn’t be fine

The towel, now freezing I held in my hand
As stood in my sandals in the cold cold sand
My roommate had completely forgotten his shoes
And from hypothermia, his toes he might lose

We were all cold and pissed, as mad as can be,
But I must say, no one was as wet as me
For the one who lit the fire, I wanted him dead
And to have to stand here longer I oh so did dread

And finally I saw that the building was clear
People filed in the doors, for of freezing they feared
And I was inside and it was so warm
I was never so happy to be in a dorm!

We all sprang to our rooms, and we cursed and we bitched
And all the doors flew closed and shut with a click
But all through the halls you could here people mutter
God damn those stupid fire-starting motherfuckers!
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