‘Twas the night before finals, when all through the dorm All the people were sleeping, in their beds, nice and warm The doors were shuts and then locked with care In hopes that hopes that the end of the week would be there The students were nestled all snug in their beds While visions of getting A’s danced in their heads But me in the shower, with nothing to wear Had just put shampoo all over my hair When out of the stall there arose such a clatter I sprang from the water to see what was the matter Out of the shower I looked with a jolt I tore open the curtain to see what was at fault The fire alarm flashed and screamed like crazy I thought: could I still be dreaming? Maybe… When what to my wondering ears should be told, That we have leave now. “But it’s so fucking cold!” Now Chuck, my RA, was not happy from this I knew at the moment, damn he must be pissed More rapid than eagles he hit the doors with a boom And he whistled, and shouted, and called us by room “Now 301! Now 302! Now 303 and 304! On, 306! On 307! On 308 and 309! To the lawn in the front, the fifth floor is on fire! Now dash away! Dash away! I knew, we’re all tired!” As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly, When they freeze to death, they fall from the sky So down to the lawn behind Naugle we flew With my towel and robe, and some shampoo too And then, in a twinkling, my feet hit the ground And it was really fucking cold I soon found. As I drew in my hands to warm in my robe My RA came up and once again arose He was as cold as me, from his head to his feet And obviously wanting to sleep you could see With my soaking wet towel draped over my back The one who lit the fire I so wanted to smack His eyes – how they scowled, his hair far from merry His cheeks were all pale, his nose like a cherry He told us that our hall should get in a line And if we didn’t cooperate, things wouldn’t be fine The towel, now freezing I held in my hand As stood in my sandals in the cold cold sand My roommate had completely forgotten his shoes And from hypothermia, his toes he might lose We were all cold and pissed, as mad as can be, But I must say, no one was as wet as me For the one who lit the fire, I wanted him dead And to have to stand here longer I oh so did dread And finally I saw that the building was clear People filed in the doors, for of freezing they feared And I was inside and it was so warm I was never so happy to be in a dorm! We all sprang to our rooms, and we cursed and we bitched And all the doors flew closed and shut with a click But all through the halls you could here people mutter God damn those stupid fire-starting motherfuckers!